Two Years

This has probably been the craziest and best two years of my life.  I do not know what I would do without my two guys and girl, they make everything a little more interesting.

HAPPY 2ND BIRTHDAY TO BOOG, BOP AND BUBBA!

All of the kids are sick again on their birthday this year....this is not a tradition that I enjoy.  I didn't even plan a birthday party for them so we did not jinx things, but that didn't work.  I do NOT want to end up in the hospital again this year so I am doing anything and everything to help Wyatt with his breathing issues (not that I wouldn't normally do everything, I'm just a little more crazy about it I guess you could say).  Next year I would like to actually attend their birthday party so please, pretty please do not get sick kiddos (my heart is still broken for missing their first birthday party).

Wyatt still thinks Mickey Mouse is the man, he gets really excited when he sees a picture of him.  I would really like to take him to see Mickey on stage or something soon.  He is still crawling because he is a bit stubborn.  Bath time is a favorite time in our house.

Haylee is a sassy lil miss, but I love it (well most of the time).  She is potty training right now, depends on the day as to how she is doing.  I made a mistake by giving her mini m&m's as a treat for potty training (they have never had candy before, she is addicted).  She likes helping by disciplining the boys, making the boys happy when they are crying and cleaning.  I have a fashionista on my hands already, she likes clothes, jewelry and shoes a lot.

Layne is so curious about everything and if he can climb it or thinks he can he will.  He loves to play with tractors or trucks, he wants to be outside all of the time.  Layne is my snuggle bug especially when he gets up in the morning or at nap.  We are going to go broke from feeding him also, he loves food.

Are there two of me?

I feel like there are two of me, the one that I let everyone see then there is the one that only a handful of people know and a lot of time I keep that side to myself (she might slip out on really crazy days).

The one side is a people pleaser and the other side is just a wreck almost all of the time.  Why is it I let myself get this way I am a freaking wreck...I cry on a daily basis because I can not fix things.  DH says it will all work out in the end but it just keeps getting worse and worse.  I want to just leave but I know that problems will just follow.  I am in a serious argument right now with two people on of these people that crazy side slipped out and I told them how I felt (it didn't go so well) the other I'm just avoiding because I don't want to take the chance of the crazy coming out.  I know that a lot of people feel this way, this is the only place that I really can get it out with lots of judgement being passed onto me.  I'm sorry I know I'm just rambling.  Maybe I should just be a person that everyone tells me what to do and I just do it and have no thoughts of my own.

I am STRESSED OUT.  I really hate complaining on this blog because it should be about happy things such as my kids but this is my diary so I can say what I need right?

Dropping off the face of the Earth?

I didn't really drop off the face of the Earth, I do comment on some posts  but do not have much time to be on blogger.

Let me just say that my kiddos are becoming so fun to play with and interact with.  We do not just sit at home all of the time anymore.  We take wagon rides from sis's house to the ice cream shop, they love to swing, play in their little outside house, etc.  Haylee and Layne are really starting to gang up on me and poor Wyatt.  Hopefully Mr Wyatt will stick with me for a little while before they get him to join forces with them (then I will have not chance at survival).

Haylee had the last official planned surgery (to correct the pda in April) which was successful and she is her sassy little self again.

Now the run down on each of them.
Wyatt FIRST AND FOREMOST he is completely OFF OXYGEN (the tanks were removed from our house at the beginning of May). Wyatt is my laid back guy that will watch Haylee and Layne (until they get close to him then he freaks out a little).  He started rolling over really well to get to what he wants, he acts like he wants to crawl but hates being on his knees. He is on baby food (has a really bad gag) and drinks from a sippy cup.  Has physical therapy twice a week and speech therapy bi-weekly.  Wyatt's favorite toy is anything that makes noise except when his Mickey Mouse Clubhouse is on.  Wyatt is around 20 pounds and 30 inches long.

Haylee is a sassy little thing, that gives you her "silly face" every opportunity she gets. She is crawling all over the place and is trying to climb (she doesn't seem to be interested in walking yet). She eats table food and drinks from a sippy cup. She has physical therapy once a week.  Haylee's favorite toy is the little garden center house thing that we have in the living room.  Haylee is around 21 pounds and 31 inches long.

Layne is my class clown, he has a fake laugh that will make anyone laugh.  He is a crawler and wants to stand all of the time but has not taken his first successful step yet.  He LOVES food and drinks from a sippy cup.  His favorite toy is the cozy coupe, he really does not like when one of the other two is in it.  Layne is almost 25 pounds and 33 inches long.  (Everyone thinks Haylee and Wyatt are twins because Layne is way bigger)

Here are a couple pictures.

Bath night

Me and my kiddos

Layne & daddy in the 77

Wyatt being a silly boy

Haylee bop

8 months

The babies are 8 months old now, my how does time fly.

Wyatt had his post op appointment on Saturday and he is doing great. So that means he can start eating oatmeal, we tried once over the weekend and he was not having a good time because he was so hungry.

Likes: Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, playing peek a boo, sitting in the swing, being talked to, and looking at lights
Dislikes: Physical Therapy,

Haylee
Likes: Baths, chewing on grandpa's finger, being left alone (but that is never going to happen) and likes Justin Bieber music (she stops what she is doing when he is on tv)
Dislikes: snuggling

Layne
Likes: Baths, jabbering, playing with rattles, smiling, eating, being talked to and bonfires (loves watching the fire)
Dislikes: his car seat,

Another grey hair

I feel that my problems are so petty at this point, especially after reading a couple other blogs this morning.  I thought about not even writing mine but here I go anyway.  

We had a nicu newborn appointment yesterday and I wanted to cry so bad during the appointment (but I was a big girl and sucked it up).  I did not know the answers to the questions that the doctors were asking me.  They were asking developmental questions, such as, can they pick up a toy, sit up....blah blah blah.  I did not know the answers to a lot of the questions, why do you ask, because I work then I come home and race to get them fed, bathed then to bed at a reasonable time.  On days that I have off we go to doctor appointments and weekends are always crazy.  Am I a horrible mother for not knowing my kids, it was bad enough that I missed the first time Haylee rolled over.  I worked so hard to get pregnant, then prayed and worried about staying pregnant, then prayed and worried about keeping them alive the first several months.  Now I go back to work and do not get to enjoy my kids.  I started crying today at work saying I needed to go part time because life is passing me by and I'm missing out on my kids lives.  So we have already started talks with the board members about me going part time for a year then it will be reviewed again.  If I have not said this before I am so thankful for my boss, new boss and the supportive members on the board that I work for.

So the conclusion to the doc appointment, Wyatt is way behind on developmental things (we know this), they did not turn his oxygen down because he needs the extra support still.  This means he has been out of the nicu for almost 5 months and he is on the same support that he was released on.  On a good note he has recovered from his hernia surgery and is doing good with that.  Haylee is getting hives about every other day and we do not know why.  We are still on for her heart surger at the beginning of next year.  Layne is doing well with not major problems (thank you lord).

Wave of Light

We have a date

I am pretty excited that we have a surgery date scheduled for Mr. Wyatt's hernia on the 8th.  I know that sounds crazy but he is in pain a lot and I can not do anything about it most of the time.  The down side to the surgery is that he is going back on the ventilator because he is on 3/4L of oxygen still, so that means hospital stay.  Prayers would be appreciated.

Their halloween costumes are in, it is going to be so much fun dressing them up and taking them around.  I'm super excited.  I don't know if I've said this already in a previous post but Wyatt is going to be a cow, Haylee a pig and Layne a duck.  Their aunt is making them trick or treat bags with their names on them.

Wyatt is 14lbs 11oz
Haylee Jo is 15lbs
Layne is 16lbs 15oz

Wyatt, Haylee Jo & Layne
7 months old

Wyatt and Daddy playing

Haylee dressed up for a bridal shower

Layne having a good time swinging

30

Yep, I have joined the 30 club.  Saturday night my family had thrown a surprise birthday party for me.  It was a lot of fun, I danced and had a couple drinks, while dancing it probably looked  like I was drunk but I wasn't I'm just that bad.  I love to dance (well what I think is dancing) the babies and I dance a lot together they just give me a big toothless grin.  Back to the drinks I really have not drank (anything except wine) since July of last year and holy cow after one I was relaxed (cheap date).  One of the families that I've become close to while in the nicu came to my party so that was a great surprise and then had lots of family and friends.  I just love how we have so much support.

Haylee is on day 10 of diarrhea that poor little girl, I have found butt paste and maalox mixed together is the ultimate cure for diaper rash.  We go back to the doctor tomorrow so hopefully they will figure something out for her.  She is only on formula right now so I'm not sure what the cause would be.

We are going to have family pictures done this weekend, super exciting.  The last professional family pics we had done were when they were in the nicu.  

***I forgot to add that Haylee rolled over by herself yesterday but she can not figure out how to move her arm so she kinda just lays on her arm.

poor boy

My poor boy Wyatt, he has had a rough journey in his short little life already.  He has a testicular hernia right now (this is where his bowels go through the hole where is testicles drop) anytime he is gassy or has to poop it gurgles and he screams.  Last night was bad, he cried and screamed, I check it and push it in as often as possible, it got so bad that he was sweating because the pain was so bad.  I gave him Tylenol (the doctors do not want me to do this because if his bowels twist and he does not have surgery immediately he could die, they say the pain reliever will mask the problem.  I have to do something to help him though).  So he is having breathing problems also every other day his lips and chin will turn blue (on Friday they finally gave me a thing to give him treatments), the doctors say it is not allergies but a reason can not be found as to why he is having these episodes.  He should have had his oxygen weaned down twice already since he left the hospital but they can not do it because he needs the support.  I see lots of lung problems in our future.  When he was discharged the doctor said he we would be back several times before the end of the year.  I just want to do something for him but there is nothing all I can do is give him hugs and lots of love.

Haylee is wanting to roll over so bad, she will get to her side but can not figure out how to move her arm out of the way.  Layne is doing really well with eating baby food, he has lots of energy.  I lay all 3 of them on the floor together and they will just stare at the other and sometimes jabber.

Ignorance/Stupidity

People do not have filters or they just do not care if they hurt your feelings.  I get stopped all the time when I am out with all three babies because you just do not see multiples (except twins) in the town that I live in (we are the second set of triplets that live here).  Sometimes I feel like being a snob because I do not want to hear what they have to say, such as oh my gosh your crazy (thanks last time I checked I wasn't), you must be busy (yes I am all the time), there is no way that I could do it (not many people can)......the list goes on. 

 

But here is one that made me furious, why did she keep all of them (as in abort one early on).  What the hell how could anyone ask this question?  I look at the babies now and I want to ask the person which one of these sweet little faces would you get rid of?  It makes me want to cry, how anyone could be this stupid.  I know I'm rambling and this is probably not making sense.

I have only had a handful of positive comments, one of the ladies said I was blessed and she hopes that I have many more babies.  We need more people like this in the world.

Labor Day Weekend was so fun.  We went on our first camping trip with the babies and  it was a success.  They had fun and I really think they enjoyed all the fresh air.  After having a wonderful three day weekend I had to come back to work to all of this drama bull-crap.  I'm beginning to feel that I do not have to put up with all of this anymore.

In the camper while raining.
Me, Haylee Jo, Wyatt, Layne & sis

Wyatt & Daddy playing

Haylee Jo in the new hat that Daddy just bought her

Uncle Chris & Layne playing

exhaust...zzzzz....ed

So going back to work is a lot harder than I imagined.  Yesterday afternoon it took me forever to answer a customers question, my brain was fried.  Wyatt is on this kick where he does not want to go to sleep until midnight, he will close his eyes but as soon as you lay him in his crib the screaming begins.  So you pick him up as fast as possible so you do not wake one of the other two up (I've tried to let him cry, it is not in my favor).  My husband started laying him in our bed saying that he was to young to even know the difference (oh, he totally knows).  Then Layne will wake up to eat around 2-3am put him back in bed between 3-4am then Haylee wants to get up to eat around 4:30am then I have to start getting ready at 5am to get them to daycare and me to work.  Josh gave Layne a bath last night (I was a zombie) and guess what he actually laughed while Josh was trickling water over him so I run in to record it and he stops and stares at me, I did get one good giggle recorded (this is my new favorite sound ever, well until the Wyatt or Haylee start to laugh).

Oh I only cried once on my first day back, speaking of I need to get back to work.

Raise your glass

I want to make a toast.  First, to all of you lovely ladies that got me through the infertility part of my life then for your help getting through the tough times keeping my three little miracles here.  I have made friends that I will keep for a lifetime.  Second my three little miracles are 6 months old now (well they were yesterday) so they are one day closer to being one year old, how time flies.  Third, I started work today and I have not cried yet (instead I cried yesterday).  I am going to miss all those new things that they seem to do everyday.  They are all jabbering a lot right now and I love to listen to them.  Mickey Mouse Clubhouse is their favorite show (I know they are young to love a show but they do), Wyatt gets mad if someone tries to turn him away from the TV when it is on.  I know that I am not the best parent (but I honestly try my best) but I think it is so funny/cute when they are trying to poop (this sounds horrible I know) they grunt....and I....just can not explain it, it is adorable (yes I know that sounds weird).  However I do not like the aftermath of their cute grunting.  Well my first lunch hour is over so I better get off of here. CHEERS.

Layne, Haylee Jo, & Wyatt ~6 months old

So Much

So much to talk about.  I have my days and nights mixed up basically because Haylee and Layne do also.  Yes Haylee and Layne are home, I hope Wyatt is going to join them soon. 

Layne was home for a week and we had to take him to the emergency room because he was retracting, nasal flaring and head bobbing.  I felt sorry for the poor guy he was working so hard to breathe.  We spent 7 hours in the ER, basically because there was a miscommunication between the lab and nurses.  Layne was crying a majority of the time, he was tired (he went a good 10 hours not sleeping) and very hungry (when I finally got to feed him they came in made him so upset he threw up all over the place).  He was re-admitted into the NICU for a week (he had fluid on his lungs).  The day he was back in the NICU I spent the entire day there again, I cried most of it because I'm just really tired of that place (not that I won't miss the nurses and everyone there) I want my kids to be home with me so I can see them all the time.

They are so funny together, during the day I will lay them next to each other and they just stare at each other.  Layne is my social one he makes noises at her all the time.  He is also my smiley guy.  They both have reflux and there is nothing that we can do except prop the head of their beds up so they do not lay flat on their backs.  We have to clean lots of sheets and clothes up after projectile vomiting (DH hates when I call it that but that is what it is).

For the babies being so small their stuff sure is big.  Our house is not very big and it is getting smaller and smaller.  We had to move a dresser out of our room to make room for pack n plays (for them to sleep in until I'm comfortable with them being in their room), now I have no idea where to put my clothes (not that I really care because I do not even have the energy to do laundry, our family comes over to do it).  We have had lots of help from our families (we are very thankful), I have found 15 minute naps are so refreshing (any sleep is great sleep).

Wyatt is 6lbs 6oz, Haylee is 7lbs 6oz and Layne is 8lbs.  I can not believe they are so big.

Part time to full time

Over the weekend I went from a part time parent to a full time parent. Layne came home and things are going well. He is on oxygen still so that has become a challenge we usually just leave him in one room all day so we do not have to move the tank around (basically because I have to have DH do it).
Wyatt is on the lowest setting of oxygen thus far. I breast fed him for the first time yesterday and he did really well.
Haylee Jo had a lot of fluid on her lungs and they are giving her a daily dose of lasics. She looks and acts way better I didn't realize that she felt as bad as she did.

Birth Announcement

This is the birth announcement that I sent out a couple weeks ago.  Sis is the one that designed and printed them thru her graphics business.

Appreciate

Last night I was thinking about my life while holding Wyatt. I believe God wanted to teach me a lesson on appreciating life and not to take things for granted.
I was infertile so that I would appreciate being pregnant.
The babies are in the Nicu so that I appreciate every second I have with them. The two things above made me appreciate my first mothers day that much more.

I have not posted anything in awhile so here is a quick run down.
Wyatt is back on the ventilator because he had surgery on his eyes last Wednesday. He has stage 3 retinopathy of prematurity with disease. If it would get to stage 4 he would be blind. Hopefully the surgery will help. He is still doing good with digesting milk.
Haylee is taking a bottle every other feed. She is doing pretty well with breathing. She only has heart rate and breathing drops every once in a while.
Layne is taking a bottle every feed now and they just turned his oxygen down today (hopefully he is going to be off oxygen with in a couple weeks but I'm not going to count on it). After I feed him his 9am bottle we talk and sing and he smiles so big (I think he is going to be a morning person).
Oh I should add that everyone is out of their incubators and in cribs. Pretty exciting huh.

got milk?

A few things you are very strongly encouraged to do when your baby(ies) are in the NICU is to breastfeed/pump, visit them (but not all the time because they will sit you down and tell you, you need to take a break) and do kangaroo care.  I do all of the above as much as possible, however the pumping thing is kinda not working out for me.  I really try not to stress about it but how can I not, I can not supply enough for all three of my babies and guess what I have to figure out who does not get the milk.  So I pick the one that is the healthiest, that means Haylee Jo does not get any of it (unless I have some left over then she gets one feeding).  I know that my posts are not exactly the happiest lately and I really should be happy I have 3 beautiful babies that I love so much it hurts.  But I feel so sad right now.  We had a meeting with the doctors today to go over the babies from head to toe. I know that Wyatt is sick but I forget just how sick his lungs are pretty often, well they reminded me today.  He is going to be in the NICU for quite awhile after Haylee and Layne are released.  The babies are 8 weeks old now and they have 4 weeks until their due date (their tentative release date). The one thing I have always wanted was to be a mom, but I'm only a mom when I'm at the hospital when I leave I am the same person I always was.  I'm really sorry that I'm just rambling but I'm typing as things come to me.  Well thank you for listening/reading, I feel a little better now.  I just want all of you to know that I love your comments and I am here for all of you if you need me.

Things I have learned

I have learned a lot in the past couple weeks. Some things I could have gone my entire life without knowing and others I'm glad that I do know now.

First and foremost, I am glad to know that my hubby is proud of me.  We are not big into sentiments but on the way home (from the hospital) a couple days ago he said he was proud of me, I had a really bad day and he thought he needed to tell me.  We are a team and I hope it stays this way for a long time/forever.

That I think I'm a good mom (not the best but good), the NICU is a dark place. My babies have been there for 7 weeks now and I have only seen some of the parents twice or not at all.  One baby is addicted to drugs (it cries all the time) and another didn't have a name for a week then once it had a name the parents gave it up (social workers have to come in and approve anything that has to be done to the baby).  It is a sad place but that is where I get to hold my babies so I am happy about that part of it.

I know who my real friends/family are.  I can not believe some people are so low to talk bad about you behind your back especially when you are depressed about something or are having hard times.

When I watch The Little Couple I know almost everything Dr. Jen is talking about while she is at work.

People are so kind.  Some people that I am acquaintances with are praying for my children and sending us cards. So wonderful.

The March of Dimes is a great charitable organization. One that I do not think gets enough publicity.

Health insurance (or any kind of insurance for that matter) is not there to help you, it is there to give you a headache when you need it the most.

A couple days or a couple ounces is a lot to a preemie.  Things are completely different from week to week even hour to hour.

I'm sure there is more but I can not think of it right now but I can always add to this list later.

Easter babies

I know that I am almost a week late on my Easter post but better late then never.  The nurses (Carrie and Catherine) were wonderful helping us fulfill our Easter wish.

Wyatt 33 weeks gestation (6 weeks old)

Haylee Jo 

Layne

Our first family picture

Wyatt, Layne & Haylee Jo

Tears

I have a constant lump in my throat lately most of the time I do not cry but last night I could not hold it in anymore.  I cried for hours.

Wyatt is doing so so much better.  Mainly because they figured out what is wrong with him, his thyroid did not develop so he has to take meds for it for the rest of his life (that is fine with me, he is alive).  He is going to be my big guy even though he weighs the same as Layne he just looks bigger.

Haylee, it really has been a roller coaster ride with her lately.  I had to go thru my first resuscitation with Wyatt and it was horrible for me, so I had a little talk with the other two that mommy could not take that phone call anymore.  Little miss is going to be my rebellious one because they have had to resuscitate her three times now.  The second time was Saturday night and while bagging her, her lungs would not inflate with air like they wanted. Once they got her stable they took an xray, she had a small leak like Wyatt did.  It will close with time.  She did really well for the rest of the day.  Well last night she decided to stop breathing again they bagged her and this time it took them along time to get her breathing.  They are running all kinds of tests to figure out what is going on.  She does have a murmur (PDA open) like the boys had but they say there would be other signs that they look for before they say that is the reason.  So today they are going to do a head ultrasound to look at her brain.  It is aggravating to me that all the tests they ran so far are coming out okay and they say the reason she is doing this is because she is premature.  If it is in fact the only reason they can come up with it will just take her growing and getting older to fix the problem. What if she does it again?  I am just sick to my stomach writing about it, the good thing is I have not been there when they have these little spells (it is usually in the middle of the night or right after I leave).  I assume I would be a mess and would just be no help at all but I could be really calm until it was all over, who knows.  I will try to update later with the results to the ultrasound.

Layne had surgery last week on his PDA.  They told me this was a pretty simple and common surgery done in the NICU.  It was still hard, surgery on the heart is not just an everyday thing that I have to go thru especially on a 4 week old (31 weeks gestation).  It only took them 20 minutes to do it and he was off the ventilator within 24 hours and was breathing better than Wyatt and Haylee.  The incision is sore but that is expected.  He cried the entire time they were taking him to the OR, we assumed it was because he was being separated from his brother and sister (if that is the case it will make things challenging when they are growing up).

One of the doctors made the comment that they really want to see them as the grow up because we all believe they are telepathic.  When one sets off their alarm the other two follow suit (they drive the nurses crazy).  They are all on high humidity air and the boys weigh 2lbs 11oz and Haylee is 2lbs 9oz.

Happy 5 week Birthday babies. 



Wyatt with his little dog Doby 3-21-12





Haylee Jo with Huey the cat 3-21-12



Layne with his dog Spot 3-21-12