Monday, April 23, 2012

got milk?

A few things you are very strongly encouraged to do when your baby(ies) are in the NICU is to breastfeed/pump, visit them (but not all the time because they will sit you down and tell you, you need to take a break) and do kangaroo care.  I do all of the above as much as possible, however the pumping thing is kinda not working out for me.  I really try not to stress about it but how can I not, I can not supply enough for all three of my babies and guess what I have to figure out who does not get the milk.  So I pick the one that is the healthiest, that means Haylee Jo does not get any of it (unless I have some left over then she gets one feeding).  I know that my posts are not exactly the happiest lately and I really should be happy I have 3 beautiful babies that I love so much it hurts.  But I feel so sad right now.  We had a meeting with the doctors today to go over the babies from head to toe. I know that Wyatt is sick but I forget just how sick his lungs are pretty often, well they reminded me today.  He is going to be in the NICU for quite awhile after Haylee and Layne are released.  The babies are 8 weeks old now and they have 4 weeks until their due date (their tentative release date). The one thing I have always wanted was to be a mom, but I'm only a mom when I'm at the hospital when I leave I am the same person I always was.  I'm really sorry that I'm just rambling but I'm typing as things come to me.  Well thank you for listening/reading, I feel a little better now.  I just want all of you to know that I love your comments and I am here for all of you if you need me.

Sunday, April 15, 2012

Things I have learned

I have learned a lot in the past couple weeks. Some things I could have gone my entire life without knowing and others I'm glad that I do know now.

First and foremost, I am glad to know that my hubby is proud of me.  We are not big into sentiments but on the way home (from the hospital) a couple days ago he said he was proud of me, I had a really bad day and he thought he needed to tell me.  We are a team and I hope it stays this way for a long time/forever.

That I think I'm a good mom (not the best but good), the NICU is a dark place. My babies have been there for 7 weeks now and I have only seen some of the parents twice or not at all.  One baby is addicted to drugs (it cries all the time) and another didn't have a name for a week then once it had a name the parents gave it up (social workers have to come in and approve anything that has to be done to the baby).  It is a sad place but that is where I get to hold my babies so I am happy about that part of it.

I know who my real friends/family are.  I can not believe some people are so low to talk bad about you behind your back especially when you are depressed about something or are having hard times.

When I watch The Little Couple I know almost everything Dr. Jen is talking about while she is at work.

People are so kind.  Some people that I am acquaintances with are praying for my children and sending us cards. So wonderful.

The March of Dimes is a great charitable organization. One that I do not think gets enough publicity.

Health insurance (or any kind of insurance for that matter) is not there to help you, it is there to give you a headache when you need it the most.

A couple days or a couple ounces is a lot to a preemie.  Things are completely different from week to week even hour to hour.

I'm sure there is more but I can not think of it right now but I can always add to this list later.

Saturday, April 14, 2012

Easter babies

I know that I am almost a week late on my Easter post but better late then never.  The nurses (Carrie and Catherine) were wonderful helping us fulfill our Easter wish.

Wyatt 33 weeks gestation (6 weeks old)

Haylee Jo 


Our first family picture

Wyatt, Layne & Haylee Jo

Monday, April 2, 2012


I have a constant lump in my throat lately most of the time I do not cry but last night I could not hold it in anymore.  I cried for hours.

Wyatt is doing so so much better.  Mainly because they figured out what is wrong with him, his thyroid did not develop so he has to take meds for it for the rest of his life (that is fine with me, he is alive).  He is going to be my big guy even though he weighs the same as Layne he just looks bigger.

Haylee, it really has been a roller coaster ride with her lately.  I had to go thru my first resuscitation with Wyatt and it was horrible for me, so I had a little talk with the other two that mommy could not take that phone call anymore.  Little miss is going to be my rebellious one because they have had to resuscitate her three times now.  The second time was Saturday night and while bagging her, her lungs would not inflate with air like they wanted. Once they got her stable they took an xray, she had a small leak like Wyatt did.  It will close with time.  She did really well for the rest of the day.  Well last night she decided to stop breathing again they bagged her and this time it took them along time to get her breathing.  They are running all kinds of tests to figure out what is going on.  She does have a murmur (PDA open) like the boys had but they say there would be other signs that they look for before they say that is the reason.  So today they are going to do a head ultrasound to look at her brain.  It is aggravating to me that all the tests they ran so far are coming out okay and they say the reason she is doing this is because she is premature.  If it is in fact the only reason they can come up with it will just take her growing and getting older to fix the problem. What if she does it again?  I am just sick to my stomach writing about it, the good thing is I have not been there when they have these little spells (it is usually in the middle of the night or right after I leave).  I assume I would be a mess and would just be no help at all but I could be really calm until it was all over, who knows.  I will try to update later with the results to the ultrasound.

Layne had surgery last week on his PDA.  They told me this was a pretty simple and common surgery done in the NICU.  It was still hard, surgery on the heart is not just an everyday thing that I have to go thru especially on a 4 week old (31 weeks gestation).  It only took them 20 minutes to do it and he was off the ventilator within 24 hours and was breathing better than Wyatt and Haylee.  The incision is sore but that is expected.  He cried the entire time they were taking him to the OR, we assumed it was because he was being separated from his brother and sister (if that is the case it will make things challenging when they are growing up).

One of the doctors made the comment that they really want to see them as the grow up because we all believe they are telepathic.  When one sets off their alarm the other two follow suit (they drive the nurses crazy).  They are all on high humidity air and the boys weigh 2lbs 11oz and Haylee is 2lbs 9oz.

Happy 5 week Birthday babies. 

Wyatt with his little dog Doby 3-21-12

Haylee Jo with Huey the cat 3-21-12

Layne with his dog Spot 3-21-12