Monday, April 23, 2012

got milk?

A few things you are very strongly encouraged to do when your baby(ies) are in the NICU is to breastfeed/pump, visit them (but not all the time because they will sit you down and tell you, you need to take a break) and do kangaroo care.  I do all of the above as much as possible, however the pumping thing is kinda not working out for me.  I really try not to stress about it but how can I not, I can not supply enough for all three of my babies and guess what I have to figure out who does not get the milk.  So I pick the one that is the healthiest, that means Haylee Jo does not get any of it (unless I have some left over then she gets one feeding).  I know that my posts are not exactly the happiest lately and I really should be happy I have 3 beautiful babies that I love so much it hurts.  But I feel so sad right now.  We had a meeting with the doctors today to go over the babies from head to toe. I know that Wyatt is sick but I forget just how sick his lungs are pretty often, well they reminded me today.  He is going to be in the NICU for quite awhile after Haylee and Layne are released.  The babies are 8 weeks old now and they have 4 weeks until their due date (their tentative release date). The one thing I have always wanted was to be a mom, but I'm only a mom when I'm at the hospital when I leave I am the same person I always was.  I'm really sorry that I'm just rambling but I'm typing as things come to me.  Well thank you for listening/reading, I feel a little better now.  I just want all of you to know that I love your comments and I am here for all of you if you need me.


Jess said...

Oh Crystal I can only imagine how hard it must be to leave your babies at the hospital day after day...even with reminding yourself that they are they to get healthier. I totally get the mother ache you still experience. But one day soon you will have all three (healthy!) babies at home and your posts will be filled with happy, stressful, amazing moments with your triplets. And you will be SO blessed to have had the time to have your emotions/hormones relax a little post delivery and not be physically and mentally sleep deprived from the hospital stay. Maybe that isn't what you want to hear, but God has a purpose for all of this. He has a bigger plan that will help us and give us hope.

You are a WONDERFUL mom for sticking with pumping even when you are struggling a bit with it (have you tried pumping every 2 hours, fenugreek, and keeping up on LOTS of fluids?). You are an AMAZING mother of three tiny little babies that will grow up too fast, as hard as it is enjoy this time and focus on remembering how tiny they are now and what emotions you go through with them in the NICU.

God has made you a strong woman through all you had to endure with infertility and ttc, to a pregnancy with triplets, and early delivery and premie babies in the NICU! You can do anything you set your mind to. And you will come out of all of this with so much more wisdom than you had ever dreamed of <3

waiting and wishing said...

Good for you for keeping at it even when it feels defeating. Hang in there Mama!

Kate said...

I'm so sorry things suck. How long did they tell you that Wyatt will be in the NICU?

Have you seen your doc lately? Maybe you should mention to her about being so sad... It's ok that your posts aren't happy - your posts are about life, and we all know that it can't be flowers and sunshine all the time.

I wish I could do more for you - please know I'm here if you need anything!

Amy and Robert said...

I'm so sorry you are dealing with all of this. You are such a wonderful person and it is alright to be sad. It is okay to be frustrated. Process those emotions. You are amazing and I think of you and your little ones often. (hugs)

Kate said...

Haven't heard from you in a while - just wondering how you're doing??