Monday, August 8, 2011

Confused

Went camping and boating over the weekend (to kinda just get away), I even took today off so that I had a little bit longer before I had to go back to work.  Had a couple appointments today, acupuncture and DH was measured for his tux for sis's wedding.

I would like to report that today was a super great day but it kind of sucked.  I got a call from Eileen at the RE's office, this is how it went

E: You have an outstanding bill with our office and have to pay the balance in full before proceeding with your next cycle.
M: Okay, I don't recall receiving a bill to pay.
E: Oh you probably have not received the bill yet because it is relatively new.
M: So how much is the bill
E: $XXXX.XX and I see that your expected date for your cycle to start is on the 12th
M: Ummmm...yea, so I need to come up with that money by friday
E: Or you could skip this cycle and start fresh next time.
M: Okay thank you, I will let you know what I figure out.

I know this is not this ladies fault and I was not hateful with her at all (At my job I'm on her side of the desk and I get yelled at all the time).  But it just sucks so much, I told DH about the whole thing and his idea was to just start selling everything we had.  I told him no b/c if this cycle does not work I'm not going to come home to absolutely nothing at all, no babies and no material items.  When we had the original orientation with the doctor, we were told how much everything was going to be and this was not in the figure.  I just wish I had more time to come up with the money.  Here I am typing with tears rolling down my face, thinking that the acupuncture lady probably doesn't want me to come back b/c all I did was cry during my appointment (what made things worse was she had Angel by Sarah McLachlan playing, it gets me every time).  I asked her if I didn't go through with this next cycle should I hold out on acu.  She said no, we will continue and she said that sometimes we need a break for our bodies and I said I did take a break and told her about the phone call.  And she said oh so this is all over money.  Do you ever feel like you are just another person on your RE's appointment book/money in their pocket, I can count on one hand how many times that I have actually seen my RE, most of the time it is her nurse (even on the phone which I've only talked to her once).  I know this isn't her fault either, I just don't want to wait another month.  Is this a sign from God saying that I shouldn't go through with this cycle and get the results on my birthday?  Just another question in my life unanswered.

4 comments:

Amy and Robert said...

Hey, sweet girl. You deserve appreciation and love from around the world. You have changed my life in my IF journey and loved me for who I am. I know times are tough... things look despondent, but keep your beautiful chin up. Stay strong and fight for that little baby that may some day become your own. I pray for you, I know you as my sister in IF, you accepted me through all of my blogs, regardless if we ever met or not, and you are a wonderful woman. I praise you in your journey and your strength. I love you as my own sister. I pray for your journey as I know you do for me. You are fabulous, wonderful, sexy, amazing, and so very strong. I will pray for your peace of mind, your financial stability and your comfort. I'm always here for you as you have been for me. Stay strong sister, I love you even though I may not know you. huuugggssss.

Kate said...

I'm so sorry things are tough - I wish I knew what to tell you to do... Keep your chin up - I'll keep you in my thoughts!

Jess said...

Take some time for yourself. Relax and breathe. The path will come to you. You just gotta trust and believe the big guy. :)

Jess said...

I hope things are going better for you! Praying that soon you will have a BFP with a sticky bean. It is hard sometimes to lean on God when you feel like the ground is falling out underneath you. But, faith is believing even when you can't see...even when you aren't getting results you wish for. It's a rocky road...believe me...I understand! Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers! ♥