so hot

This weekend was a very hot/humid weekend, but it was a fun one.  Went to two birthday parties one being a best friends 30th birthday and the other another best friends daughters 4th birthday party.  The 4th birthday party was kinda bitter sweet, I love that little girl more than I could love any other kid but it was one of those parties that are only fun if you are a kid or if you have a kid at the party.  Watching all the kids have fun was just another battle of the heart for me, I believe that I will have a child that I get to watch have fun at a birthday party one of these days.
Went boating again, took my two cousins with us, one had never been tubing before.  She was afraid but did really well (we took it easy on her), however they did not take it easy on me I am very sore today.  I will post pics of the boating fun later on this week.
I am very happy for the bloggers that I follow because there have been a lot of BFPs lately, I do not want any of you to feel like you can not post on my blogs anymore because you are pregnant and I have not gotten the BFP yet.  It will happen eventually. 

First Session of having pins stuck in me

Had my first acupuncture session yesterday, it was actually really nice until it came time to pay the bill.  Here is a run down of what happened for those that have not experienced acupuncture before. First she asked me my life history, she adjusted my back, then she did a complete physical overview on me (I'm not one to sit still and better yet not talk, I had to do both) she told me that I have a hard time digesting protein (not sure how she figured that out but okay).  She said she wanted to go ahead and do the first session of acupuncture since she only had 6 weeks to get me straightened out (9/2 is FET day) so we go into another room and she sticks about 8 pins in me (1 in each hand, 1 in each arm, 1 next to each knee, then 1 by each ankle) it didn't hurt but I could certainly feel her putting them in.  She put a bunch of stickers and wires   on me I believe either on or next to each needle and said that she was going to leave me for 20 minutes.  I'm thinking okay I will try to relax, no way is that possible when I can not move, then guess what....my nose starts to itch and there is nothing that I can do about it, I guess I finally fell asleep b/c next thing I know I am done.  Oh I forgot she taped my feet up saying this will keep the energy flowing, I have to leave the tape on until Saturday (taking a shower was not easy).  Overall I think it went well, I have to take three different vitamins a day on top of the metformin and prenatals that I already take.

I need a money tree, money angel, lucky pig, to win the lottery or whatever works.  I really try not to complain about how much IF treatments cost but this really sucks.  How is it some people have it so easy, they can have kids naturally and they do not have to throw money away treatment after treatment.  But you never know, if you do not do that ONE treatment, it could have been the one that worked.  I know that some of my fellow bloggers have gone on vacation lately, does this really work, I feel like I just want to get away but I think what I need a break from is thinking.

So thankful for the people in my life

When everything is looking crazy and/or down, I'm glad that I have the people in my life that truly care. 

Friday I called my RE to tell her AF had shown up FINALLY, she wanted me to get to her office for an ultrasound on the "problem" cyst before 1pm and this is at 10:30am (I have an hour drive and that is in good traffic plus my first acupuncture app at 1:30).  My co-worker let me leave early on short notice (thank you christy) and I called my mom (I wanted someone to go with me b/c I didn't know what the results would be) she couldn't so I called my sister she closed her business up to go (long story short my mom ended going in the long run, Thanks momma and sis). Anyway having the ultrasound done and she can not find a cyst that she says would matter (I was happy but then again kinda upset, I thought we would find a good reason for all the miscarriages), but the doc is going to call on Wednesday to give me the final answer.  I missed my acupuncture appointment (I am super pumped about going b/c it feels like this is something that I can do to help) but did get to reschedule for Wednesday (this is going to be a really good day).

So I have my new tentative schedule for FET (which I'm kind of nervous to put on here b/c it didn't work out the last time, but here we go)
          Ultrasound: 8/26
          Start Progesterone: 8/28
          FET:  9/2

Lots going on in August and September (sister's shower, bachelorette party, & wedding) so hopefully everything going on will keep my mind from worrying about the transfer.  I better get off of here to go to bed because we are going to have a SUNDAY FUNDAY tomorrow (going boating) should be lots of fun.

 Again thank you to everyone.

Can't rain on my parade

Okay, so it did rain on my parade, we fixed the float the best that we could and went on with the show.  We won "Most Followed Theme" so it was all worth it, plus to see the look of excitement on all of the kids faces was totally worth it.

Now ready for the rest of Fair week.

do not know what this title should be

Want to give a shout out to my hubby, yesterday was his Birthday.  We had a BBQ today with my parents, sister & fiance, and his parents, sister, cousin, aunt, uncle and grandparents.  It was so incredibly hot but I believe it went well.
 
We are working on my sisters company's (Julie's Graphics) parade float tomorrow night, it is the kick off to our County Fair, this is the best week of the summer.  The theme for the parade is shoot for the stars, my sister in law thought of what we should do Hollywood Walk of Fame.  So people will see Snooki, Marge Simpson, Dolly Parton, Cher, Daisy Duke, Donna from That 70s Show, Rizzo from Grease and Hannah Montana (we know that they are not all on the walk of fame but it was really hard to come up with people that were recognizable by costume). When you think of the float it is not anything you see at the rose bowl parade this is a small town parade so it is not the greatest thing but the kids LOVE it. Here is a pic of last years float, we won best in participation:

Okay now down to the depressing stuff, yes you guessed it, the big fat ugly IF. YUCK.  We are not doing FET anymore this month it might be pushed to next month (that is a big maybe), I feel like another crappy thing has happened I'm so tired of crap.  But I agree with the doctor on giving my body a rest b/c it is really hard on it taking all the shots and having your ovaries swell up to 20 times the size they should be.  Trying to think positive that this will turn into a good thing, hope next month is my month.

Only in my dreams

Last night I had a dream that I was walking through the grocery store and my bff daughter was sitting in the front and I was tickling and playing with her.  I walk a little further and I have this new born baby in my arms sleeping, I looked down at the baby (for some reason I knew it was a boy) and my heart felt full.  Then a loud obnoxious noise came about, I hit SNOOZE on the alarm.  I closed my eyes praying that I could go back to sleep because I wanted so badly to feel complete again, but it didn't happen.  A couple weeks ago I had a dream about a baby again, I was feeding it with a bottle (this time it was a girl) someone else wanted to hold her so I passed her on and then I picked up a puppy and started feeding it with a bottle.  My dreams are so vivid, I just wish that they would tell me where these babies are coming from, do I continue on my IVF journey or adopt?

Amy - Thank you for commenting on my post the other day, I am between cycles right now so that is the ONLY way that I do not think about it on a daily basis (or better yet of every second of every day).

PS. Wherefore art thou AF, if you do not show up by tomorrow on your own the RE told me to call and we will make you happen.

Ms Anthony

I'm not sure what everyone's reaction to the news yesterday was, but I do know what my reaction was and it was a sick feeling to my stomach.  I was not in the courtroom and I was not a juror that had the make a tough decision deciding the fate of this woman but I read almost all the articles written and watched the news about this case.  I felt that she did it the entire time but if there was not enough evidence to prosecute her then that is just the way it was.  But for someone not to report that their child is missing for 30 days is horrible to me and on top of that to go partying while she is missing.  I personally have grieved over 3 miscarriages and for this woman to act like she did when she obviously had a good pregnancy is unbelievable to me.  So Ms Anthony you may or may not have killed your child but you are going to have to live with yourself for the rest of your life and I hope that your conscience gets to you.

Rest In Peace Caylee Anthony.