the results are in

So I went and got my HCG-beta (blood pregnancy test) on Friday, the nurse called me Friday evening with the results. All I have got to say is dreams do come true (if you do not understand this I will tell you about it towards the end of this email), I went in was the 3rd person in line, got my test went to work and worked till noon then went straight home. I wanted to be by myself when I found out what the results were b/c I had a bad feeling. The nurse called around 3 she asked how I was and I said well it depends on what your going to tell me, her voice went soft (I knew that I didn't want to hear what she had to say) and said well its not exactly good. My test came out as a positive (you think good but it is not) however my levels were so low (hcg was a 5) that this was not going to be a good pregnancy. So they wanted me to come back in Monday (today) to do another hcg-beta and hopefully this one would be negative. I never in my life wished that I would have a pregnancy test come out as negative. I had prepared myself for a negative or a positive, but think it could be a positive but.....

So last night I did have a miscarriage, I know for a fact that this one is going to be negative.
The nurse said Dr. Molle is going to talk to the other doctors in a meeting on Tuesday and see what they recommend since this is the 3rd miscarriage, I hope they figure something out to try b/c I honestly and beginning to wonder why I am doing this to myself, it is torture.

My DH was really great last night he really didn't leave my side and was doing everything and anything to make things easier on me, even though I know he was grieving just like I am/was.

Anyway to the dream now (I have some crazy ones) I went to the doc office to get blood work and stood in line with about 5 women had my blood drawn then stood in the results line, while standing there I heard a lady a computer say well there are 4 positive and 1 negative. I just knew that I would be a negative so I went to hide (in a place that looked like walmart) the nurses finally found me and said you are a positive but there is something wrong and we will have to do a transfer (I have no idea what this means) after that I woke up really upset.