Are there two of me?

I feel like there are two of me, the one that I let everyone see then there is the one that only a handful of people know and a lot of time I keep that side to myself (she might slip out on really crazy days).

The one side is a people pleaser and the other side is just a wreck almost all of the time.  Why is it I let myself get this way I am a freaking wreck...I cry on a daily basis because I can not fix things.  DH says it will all work out in the end but it just keeps getting worse and worse.  I want to just leave but I know that problems will just follow.  I am in a serious argument right now with two people on of these people that crazy side slipped out and I told them how I felt (it didn't go so well) the other I'm just avoiding because I don't want to take the chance of the crazy coming out.  I know that a lot of people feel this way, this is the only place that I really can get it out with lots of judgement being passed onto me.  I'm sorry I know I'm just rambling.  Maybe I should just be a person that everyone tells me what to do and I just do it and have no thoughts of my own.

I am STRESSED OUT.  I really hate complaining on this blog because it should be about happy things such as my kids but this is my diary so I can say what I need right?

Dropping off the face of the Earth?

I didn't really drop off the face of the Earth, I do comment on some posts  but do not have much time to be on blogger.

Let me just say that my kiddos are becoming so fun to play with and interact with.  We do not just sit at home all of the time anymore.  We take wagon rides from sis's house to the ice cream shop, they love to swing, play in their little outside house, etc.  Haylee and Layne are really starting to gang up on me and poor Wyatt.  Hopefully Mr Wyatt will stick with me for a little while before they get him to join forces with them (then I will have not chance at survival).

Haylee had the last official planned surgery (to correct the pda in April) which was successful and she is her sassy little self again.

Now the run down on each of them.
Wyatt FIRST AND FOREMOST he is completely OFF OXYGEN (the tanks were removed from our house at the beginning of May). Wyatt is my laid back guy that will watch Haylee and Layne (until they get close to him then he freaks out a little).  He started rolling over really well to get to what he wants, he acts like he wants to crawl but hates being on his knees. He is on baby food (has a really bad gag) and drinks from a sippy cup.  Has physical therapy twice a week and speech therapy bi-weekly.  Wyatt's favorite toy is anything that makes noise except when his Mickey Mouse Clubhouse is on.  Wyatt is around 20 pounds and 30 inches long.

Haylee is a sassy little thing, that gives you her "silly face" every opportunity she gets. She is crawling all over the place and is trying to climb (she doesn't seem to be interested in walking yet). She eats table food and drinks from a sippy cup. She has physical therapy once a week.  Haylee's favorite toy is the little garden center house thing that we have in the living room.  Haylee is around 21 pounds and 31 inches long.

Layne is my class clown, he has a fake laugh that will make anyone laugh.  He is a crawler and wants to stand all of the time but has not taken his first successful step yet.  He LOVES food and drinks from a sippy cup.  His favorite toy is the cozy coupe, he really does not like when one of the other two is in it.  Layne is almost 25 pounds and 33 inches long.  (Everyone thinks Haylee and Wyatt are twins because Layne is way bigger)

Here are a couple pictures.

Bath night

Me and my kiddos

Layne & daddy in the 77

Wyatt being a silly boy

Haylee bop

8 months

The babies are 8 months old now, my how does time fly.

Wyatt had his post op appointment on Saturday and he is doing great. So that means he can start eating oatmeal, we tried once over the weekend and he was not having a good time because he was so hungry.

Likes: Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, playing peek a boo, sitting in the swing, being talked to, and looking at lights
Dislikes: Physical Therapy,

Haylee
Likes: Baths, chewing on grandpa's finger, being left alone (but that is never going to happen) and likes Justin Bieber music (she stops what she is doing when he is on tv)
Dislikes: snuggling

Layne
Likes: Baths, jabbering, playing with rattles, smiling, eating, being talked to and bonfires (loves watching the fire)
Dislikes: his car seat,

Another grey hair

I feel that my problems are so petty at this point, especially after reading a couple other blogs this morning.  I thought about not even writing mine but here I go anyway.  

We had a nicu newborn appointment yesterday and I wanted to cry so bad during the appointment (but I was a big girl and sucked it up).  I did not know the answers to the questions that the doctors were asking me.  They were asking developmental questions, such as, can they pick up a toy, sit up....blah blah blah.  I did not know the answers to a lot of the questions, why do you ask, because I work then I come home and race to get them fed, bathed then to bed at a reasonable time.  On days that I have off we go to doctor appointments and weekends are always crazy.  Am I a horrible mother for not knowing my kids, it was bad enough that I missed the first time Haylee rolled over.  I worked so hard to get pregnant, then prayed and worried about staying pregnant, then prayed and worried about keeping them alive the first several months.  Now I go back to work and do not get to enjoy my kids.  I started crying today at work saying I needed to go part time because life is passing me by and I'm missing out on my kids lives.  So we have already started talks with the board members about me going part time for a year then it will be reviewed again.  If I have not said this before I am so thankful for my boss, new boss and the supportive members on the board that I work for.

So the conclusion to the doc appointment, Wyatt is way behind on developmental things (we know this), they did not turn his oxygen down because he needs the extra support still.  This means he has been out of the nicu for almost 5 months and he is on the same support that he was released on.  On a good note he has recovered from his hernia surgery and is doing good with that.  Haylee is getting hives about every other day and we do not know why.  We are still on for her heart surger at the beginning of next year.  Layne is doing well with not major problems (thank you lord).

Wave of Light

We have a date

I am pretty excited that we have a surgery date scheduled for Mr. Wyatt's hernia on the 8th.  I know that sounds crazy but he is in pain a lot and I can not do anything about it most of the time.  The down side to the surgery is that he is going back on the ventilator because he is on 3/4L of oxygen still, so that means hospital stay.  Prayers would be appreciated.

Their halloween costumes are in, it is going to be so much fun dressing them up and taking them around.  I'm super excited.  I don't know if I've said this already in a previous post but Wyatt is going to be a cow, Haylee a pig and Layne a duck.  Their aunt is making them trick or treat bags with their names on them.

Wyatt is 14lbs 11oz
Haylee Jo is 15lbs
Layne is 16lbs 15oz

Wyatt, Haylee Jo & Layne
7 months old

Wyatt and Daddy playing

Haylee dressed up for a bridal shower

Layne having a good time swinging

30

Yep, I have joined the 30 club.  Saturday night my family had thrown a surprise birthday party for me.  It was a lot of fun, I danced and had a couple drinks, while dancing it probably looked  like I was drunk but I wasn't I'm just that bad.  I love to dance (well what I think is dancing) the babies and I dance a lot together they just give me a big toothless grin.  Back to the drinks I really have not drank (anything except wine) since July of last year and holy cow after one I was relaxed (cheap date).  One of the families that I've become close to while in the nicu came to my party so that was a great surprise and then had lots of family and friends.  I just love how we have so much support.

Haylee is on day 10 of diarrhea that poor little girl, I have found butt paste and maalox mixed together is the ultimate cure for diaper rash.  We go back to the doctor tomorrow so hopefully they will figure something out for her.  She is only on formula right now so I'm not sure what the cause would be.

We are going to have family pictures done this weekend, super exciting.  The last professional family pics we had done were when they were in the nicu.  

***I forgot to add that Haylee rolled over by herself yesterday but she can not figure out how to move her arm so she kinda just lays on her arm.